Earlier today, my 9 year old adopted son came over and laid with me on the couch while we were watching a movie. Seems like a simple thing, but I love it when he does that.
My wife and I adopted our two youngest children when they were babies. We got Luke when he was four months old and Addi when she was four days old. They are about 14 months apart in age. God led us into adoption after our 7 year old son passed away with cancer in 2013. Adoption had always been on the heart of my wife and I, but God used our loss to catapult desire into action.
When we brought Luke and Addi into our family, we had no idea what to expect. Both were born under difficult circumstances, but God preserved them and then placed them sovereignly in our care. Emily and I were in our late 30’s at the time, and were not the young parents we were used to being. At the time of the adoption, we already had five other children ranging in age from 15 to 7, with one of them, Trey, already being with the Lord. Our family was broken, but trying to heal with the grace and strength of Jesus. Adding two more children was a big step of faith, but one we felt called to. There is a massive need for children in the foster care system to be placed in strong families, and if the church won’t step up, then who will? We felt compelled to lead by example.
Today, when Luke came to lay with me, it made my heart glad. I thought about where he could be and I love that our family is all he knows. Luke and Addi are such blessings, even though it is challenging raising young children in my late 40’s. There are days I get selfish, when I look at others our age who have moved past the little kid stage and have more flexibility with their schedules. But, I know God called us to this, so we press on.
Along with this, we have, Caleb, our twenty two year old son who has a brain injury. He was hit by a semi-truck when he was sixteen years old and barely survived. Here we are six years later and are living life with him unsure what the future holds. By God’s grace, Caleb was spared and saved, and now shares his incredible story all over the United States. He and I travel together and have seen the Lord do incredible things. In the past six years we have spoken hundreds of times and seen thousands come to Christ. It’s been amazing!
I am also a pastor of a fairly large and growing church. I have been at First Baptist Church Newcastle (FBCN), Oklahoma for nearly fifteen years. It has been an incredible journey. We have seen hundreds added to the church and hundreds saved and baptized in my time at FBCN. We are currently building a new worship center and making major adjustments to continue to reach and care well for those God is bringing us. Our church is seeing God do amazing things and the best is yet to come. I so love the people of FBCN!
My wife and I are also about to celebrate our twenty fifth wedding anniversary. When my parents celebrated theirs, Emily and I were just beginning to date. It is crazy how fast time flies. We have a daughter, Brittany, who is newly married to Mason; Caleb (whom I already mentioned), Clayton, who is in college and soon to be married, Aubrey who is a freshman in high school, and Luke and Addi who are in the 3rd and 2nd grade. Our son, Trey, would be seventeen years old and a junior in high school, and he awaits us in heaven.
As you can see, my life is complex. But there are other challenges: my oldest daughter, like my wife, carries a gene that might cause her child to be born without an immune, which would require a bone marrow transplant (as two of my sons had, Clayton and Trey); my adopted son Luke struggles in school and we are trying to navigate those challenges; of course Caleb has all kinds of challenges, which creates unique pressure to deal with; and there are other challenges with Caleb, and challenges I face as a leader and pastor…so I could go on and on. You might be thinking, “What is this? Some kind of woe is me post?” Maybe. But, it’s really more of me processing things in my life, and I often do that through writing. I suspect that if this bothered you, you would have already closed this blog, but if you’ve read on, I suspect you might be interested.
Truly, without Christ, I would have already given up on my life. It would have been too much to bear on my own. I would have been crushed by grief, pressure, stress, and disappointment. But God continues to provide what I need and He is helping me navigate the complexities of my life. Even though I face lots of challenges, He has blessed me in so many ways…too many to count. I will write about those things in a later post. But today, and every day, I stand at a crossroads in so many ways:
-how can I be the husband and father my family needs with so many unique challenges and situations I face, while continuing to provide for my family in all the ways they need
-how can I lead my church in the way that it needs giving my full energy and focus to the people God has called me to
-how can I be a good steward of the story God has given me, along with helping my son fulfill his calling and be used to the fullest of his potential
-how can I block out voices of criticism and negativity while I seek to be faithful in all the areas I’ve mentioned above
-how can I rest when I feel the weight of so many things in my life
-how I can not compare myself to others or develop any sense of entitlement in my personal and ministry life
I think about these questions often, and the answer to each question is, I CAN’T do those things…not any of them. If I try on my own, I will fail. I must submit my life daily to Christ, yield to the power of the Holy Spirit, trust that God is in control, and live only for His approval. As pastor Tim Keller once said, “If I have the smile of God, all other frowns are inconsequential.”
How will I navigate the complexities of life? By recognizing that I can’t, but God can! That’s the only way.
I am so thankful for the presence of Christ in my life. I am so thankful for my amazing wife. I am so thankful for my children. I am so thankful for my son in law. I am so thankful for my calling. I am so thankful for my church. I am so thankful for the extra ministry God has given me. I am so thankful for the way God provides for me. I truly am so thankful, and until Jesus returns or calls me home…I will remain grateful for all things in my life…the good and the hard!
#butGod